FEMALE DRIVERS!

Let's be honest! What man (and most women) can't honestly agree that female make horrible drivers? Why must we pussy foot around this issue? I mean "COME ONE"! No matter how clean and fresh you keep your house...your bathroom is always going to smell like ass and turd after you drop a deuce...it's just a matter of fact! Everyone knows that! It's nothing to be ashamed of! This same example applies to the subjusct of women behind the whell! So if this makes me a sexist…so be it! I guess I am!

To help the situation…here are 10 tips from yours truly to help women better perfect their driving skills!

1) The driver’s seat (especially in morning rush hour traffic) is not your personal vanity! Men shave, dress and groom at home…that’s where you should apply your makeup, curl your eyebrows and administer your douche!

2) Remember…a lot of you are taking your kids to soccer practice. If you cause an accident that might throw you through the windshield…there’s a good chance that (or something worse) might happen to Jacob and Britney in the back seat!

3) SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Why are you in a hurry to get home anyways??? Your husband is probably still at the Motel 6 banging your best friend!

4) Running your mouth on a cell phone isn’t the same thing as running your ass off on a treadmill…the first action kills innocent people while the other "MIGHT" actually help you get out of that size 18.

5) A green light doesn’t mean stop and a red light doesn’t mean go!

6) Just because you and most women think you’re right doesn’t mean that the “right of way” is designated to the female gender.

7) Your Dodge Caravan is not a V-8 sports car…please remember that when merging onto a freeway.

8) The law doesn’t require you to use your brain…BUT IT DOES require you to use your turn signal!

9) You can take your time in the grocery store parking lot! Last I’ve heard they hardly ever run out of tampons, Slim Fast and Cosmopolitan magazines!

10) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE YIELD TO ONCOMING EMERGENCY VEHICLES IN ROUTE TO A SCENE CODE 3! They’re probably headed the scene 5 miles back where another woman killed a family of 5!