MY ZERO TOLERANCE FOR HOMOPHOBIA & THOSE WHO JUSTIFY IT

Last night my friend Emily was hosting a surprise going away party for a friend who's preparing to leave on a work assignment for 4 months. I rode over with friends Tracy and Preston around 20:00 and my partner Paul met up with us at the party around 22:30, after he got off work. In total, around 16-20 people showed up. Of course we ate and began the drinking...

All in all past the evening and into the early morning it was a lot of fun. I met some new people who we're really cool. Of course with the drinking, people became more uninhibited and "free spirited". As many of you may know, I'm a total social butterfly. I love to float around talking to people, cracking jokes, snapping pictures, starting games, initiating "shot time", etc. At some point in the early morning I had ventured into Emily's bedroom which is a common place we "regulars" congregate for a quick get away or to be silly, etc. Emily's friend Ally and a young Navy guy named Alex were laying in bed. My partner Paul was standing over the foot of the bed and everyone seemed drunk and giggly. Ally was telling us how big Alex's cock was...and of course me the instigator thought that was funny and told her, "then we want to see". Paul then told me that he had tried to (I can't remember the word for the life of me) him up. I just assumed he meant that Alex had tried to make a move on him or something like that...which is totally OK and in our comfort level as a couple. We're not closed minded with each other and typically not the jealous type. In fact at that moment I was thinking, this is even better. It might be easy to get this Navy boy to take his clothes off. Alex sat up quickly and told Paul, "come here". Paul had some hesitation and again Alex said, "come here". He then gave Paul a kiss on the cheek. I then said, "awe, I want one too" and he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

At some point after this Alex got up and left the room. Paul then told me again that Alex tried to (...and again I can't remember that work). This is where I became confused. I asked him, "He tried to kiss you?" and he said "no, he grabbed me by the neck of the shirt". I was instantly taken back and continued to get more details. From what I understand, Alex aggressively grabbed Paul by the neck of the shirt and got in his face and told him, "I'm not a fucking faggott, I'm straight." I instantly became outraged. By this time a few more people came into the room and someone removed Alex from the room. I then began to tell everyone present what had happened and how it's absolutely unacceptable.

For anyone who knows me, you know one good thing about me, and that's that you NEVER hurt someone I love. Whether that be a family member, close friend, pet...let a lone my lover.

By this point everything had become so comotional and I left the room for a moment. When I came back in Ally, Paul, Alex, and another person named Dee were in the room. I then began to tell Alex that he had seriously crossed the line. I explained to him that nobody ever places their hands on someone I love. He then became irate. He told me things like, "you don't fucking understand...I've had issued with my bisexuality...I can't help it...I'm drunk...the Navy installed me to think this way". This all made me more upset for the fact it's a bunch of bullshit. I grew up around homophobia, I struggled with my own sexuality, I've been through trauma as a child, I watched my mother killed by a 12 guage shotgun by her psychologically, unstable lover....but NEVER has that given me the right to aggressively attack someone, especially if they're gay.

Finally people stood in front of me because in all honesty, I was about to lay this guy out - face first on the floor. A few people drug him outside while others talked to me. They told me to forget about him, etc. Emily came in and told me it was bullshit. And that if anybody has an issues with her friend's lifestyle then they're not welcome in her home. She went on to apologize. Ally and John then came into tell me that he's outside crying his eyes out. I told them I don't care. Ally then got carried away making up excuse after excuse for this guy Alex. Sadly, Ally is married and Alex is someone she has sex with on the side. They we're all over each other at the party and she told us earlier in the evening how they have "hooked up" before. So it is with no wonder that she want this guy back in the house. We all finally calmed down (myself included) and I was told he had left.

About 30 minutes later I was looking for Paul and could not find him. I asked around and some people said he was in Emily's room. When I went in there, there's Alex laying in bed with him. I then became upset again. Everything then turned loud again and I finally concluded "he goes or I go". The answer didn't come soon enough so I took off. The guy Dee mentioned earlier, ran out after me and stopped me outside. He told me it was all unacceptable and to come back inside and he will make sure Alex leaves. Reluctantly I when back upstairs and everyone is shouting back and forth. I yelled out, "I'm out of here" and left. I walked home 1.5 miles in 20 degree temperatures in snow, ice and wind....WITH HOUSE SLIPPERS ON! I made it home safely.

Unfortunately the drama continues from here more...but I won't get into that as it's all too exhausting. I will say that when we got home, Paul told me that Ally told him, "Fuck Eddie, he's just jealous"...so I sent her husband and email on Facebook saying that he may or may not know she's sleeping around...but the guy she is sleeping around with attacked my partner....and it's not cool.

Please tell me what you think of all this mess? I'm exhausted by it all and the only positive thing that comes from it is my thoughts walking all the way home. I conclude that not everyone in your life is who they seem to be. Don't leave yourself vulnerable. Stand up for what is right. If you defend and justify hate, your are no different...you are hate too.

INFLUENCE: PRIDE & LOVE

As many of you know I'm in love with photography! I've begun a new Flickr group called iPAL, Influence: Pride and Love. It's a group for other photography buffs in the LGBT community to share such influential photo work as well as discussions, tips, and more! If you're on Flickr, please head over to iPAL and join!

WHY HOMOSEXUALITY SHOULD BE BANNED???

Yup, you read the title right...so go check out this awesome and well done video that my friend Stephen posted on his Facebook. The kids definitely a hottie to for an added bonus! :D

THE BEGINNING OF A LIFETIME

....Continued from the July 21 post, "ONE RINGY DINGY...TWO RINGY DINGY"

This time last year we have literally spent every night talking to each other on the phone. Every time I would talk to Paul I found myself even more captivated by his interests, beliefs, passion, creativity and most especially his humor. It's no joke that early off I had developed a "crush" but now, mysteriously, I've been developing other feelings. "Why do I feel this way, how do I make it stop" are all questions I continuously asked myself.

I've always has three cardinal rules. These are rules that not only I followed, but rules I felt the need to point out to friends and/or family should they break them.

1) No long distance dating/relationships.

2) No relationships for at least 18 months after coming out of a long term relationship.

3) No falling for someone of the Internet.

Of course, I never thought these rules were unreasonable. In fact I never saw them as "rules" as much as I saw them as instincts. But night after night, I really found myself starting to fall for this Paul. The more I tried to fight it, the deeper my feelings got. I remember lying in my bed, during the middle of the night (I imagine he was doing the same thing) telling each other how awesome it would be to just cuddle up and talk face to face, unfortunately 3,000 miles separated us. This time last year his apartment's air conditioning unit was on the fritz, he was miserable because of the heat and would always tell me that I wouldn't want to be there for that. "Nonsense" I'd reply, "I'd sweat my ass of like a pig if it meant I could just see you, touch you...kiss you".

In so many ways Paul seemed like a fantasy, a very beautiful, magical and unfair fantasy. Of course I talked about him to all of my friends. Many of them thought I was nuts for even pursuing such a thing, while many others encouraged me to believe in the unbelievable, to gain drive from my feeling, to tell him how I feel! "TELL HIM HOW I FEEL?" Well that just sounded like the most asinine advice ever. Tell this amazing, charming, beautiful, interesting stud muffin how I fell when he probably doesn't even remotely feel that way about me....or does he? I thought about it for a few days.

The evening of August 4, 2008 Paul and I started out one of our fabulous all night conversations...which carried over into the VERY EARLY morning of August 5, 2009. All of a sudden in the middle in something we will just say, "doesn't matter", Paul told me how he would give anything just to kiss me right now. WHOA IS ME! Really? I had to tell him. I had to tell him that as insane as it sounds, I'm falling in love with him. That he has ignited my heart and soul like I never knew possible, that every thought is him, that I smile and sometimes cry just thinking about him, that he brings out creativity and sound in my guitar music, that I get the chills all over my body when I take a deep breath in and think of him...I had to tell all of this to this marvelous stranger. But if course it's not that easy. I don't have the balls to just come out and say "I LOVE YOU" in this most perfect moment on the telephone. So instead I resorted to my middle school experiences of hinting about it, telling him I have something to tell him but I'm scared too. Whoa is me, he caught my bluff and told me the same thing..."I have something to tell you but I'm scared, I can't say it". This is where the rest of the conversation became a haze. But somewhere in that magical moment 1 year ago today, we told each other "I LOVE YOU".

One year ago today, I broke my cardinal rules which were rules "society" actually says one should live by. One year ago I went out on a limb and listened to my heart...and nothing else. One year ago today, my dream came true. That trust in love has led to the proof that Paul and I share a deep, mind-blowing love that knows no limits, no boundaries, no conditions. It wasn't easy making this work. Remember, we we're 3,000 miles away...but we didn't let that stop us. Those we're 3,000 miles in a country we both live in. We have telephones, Internet, cards to mail, letters to right....then airplanes to fly on. And we used everyone of those resources. I finally got out to Paul in October....which I will write about more in October. I can't spill all story in one blog, I've got to keep you coming back for more so you can see what happened, how we're now living together, with no mileage separation ever again.

Paul, thank you for the most amazing year in this boy's 30 years of life. Everyday you still find those ways to take my breath away and leave me in awe. You have become the most important person and center of my life. I can't imagine a day without you beside me. You strengthen my Faith, Hope and Love in God who can only create such beauty, this love we share. One year down....with a lifetime to go! I love you Baby, from the bottom of my heart!

ONE RINGY DINGY...TWO RINGY DINGY

….continued from the last post, “IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM”

3-4 days after that first MySpace message, I asked Paul in one of our AIM chats if it was ok to call him, he said indeed it was. He gave me his number and told me to ask for Humphrey…because that was his real name. “Humphrey?”, I though. In a way I felt awful for the 26 year old with such a hideous name. But I immediately stopped what I was doing and grabbed my phone. After the second ring I was greeted by a hello so I reply, “Humphrey?”…he starts laughing. I then find out he has his first experience of pulling one over on this blonde…which so many people do, because sometimes I just don’t catch on to little jokes like that so quickly.

Emails, AIM chats and MySpace messages between Paul and I have almost entirely died down…because we spend so much time on the phone. We had both taken a liking to conversing with each other in what most people would consider VERY LONG PHONE CALLS. I remember I would start out in the early evening on my cell phone, then when that battery was drained I would call him (or he would call me back) on the LAN line…without actually disconnecting. During this time, my cell phone was charging because inevitably I would drain the LAN line and need to re-transition back over to my cell phone. I remember one of our conversations being slightly over 8 hours….and not to mention there was a considerable 3 hour time difference in between us, so we ended a call when the sun was coming up in California, which meant the sun had been out for quite a while in Virginia!

Phone conversations with Paul were like nothing else I can explain. Day by day we were finding out so much about each other. We we’re also finding out so much that we both have in common, such as: we’re both avid Roseanne show fans, we both have an agreeable dislike for drag queens, we both LOVE chocolate milk, we both love music, and we both…most definitely have a witty and at times, twisted sense of humor.

Every conversation on the phone would end with a “I so don’t want to get off the phone with you” or the “it doesn’t feel like we’ve been on the phone for 6 hours”. I believe it was the 3rd phone conversation where Paul actually fell asleep on me! Was I insulted? Of course not…it was adorable, but I made him think I was the next day in an email.

After each phone call, I always looked forward to the next one more and more. I was finding myself during the middle of the day laughing at something Paul had said, and then of course I would quickly look around me so I didn’t look like a lone idiot, laughing out loud at nothing. I would also think of a lot of things to as Paul later that night. I would see things, eat things, drink things, listen to things…and always wonder, “Would Paul like this?”

Stay tuned for more posts that lead up to August 5, 2008....the beginning of our relationship!

IT"S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!

1 year ago today, I was sitting at home in Victorville, CA flustered, depressed and unknowing. I ran a group on the MySpace network for Gay and Lesbian Roman Catholics. It was a group giving an open space and opportunity for people gay catholics, such as myself to network, rant, rave, express their feelings (often feelings of disgust towards our Church)within our circle. Whenever time would allow, I would sit down and do a MySpace user search. The search criteria would be made open to gender, age, location but I would specify "gay" for sexual orientation and "Catholic" for religious preference. I also would select, "most recent online users" so that I would encounter new individuals each time I conducted a search. Every time I did so, thousands upon thousands of MySpace users would pop up. I wouldn't really pay much attention to their profile details or even their profile photo. I would simply open their profile in a new window, and paste a generic message that I had used for months, then send it off. The message introduced myself...telling people a little bit about myself, my goal and quick summary of the group. I extended an open invitation to the everyone. Now that I think about it, I probably sent that message to certain people multiple times!

Not everyone joined the group, understandably. Sometimes I would receive a message back in response, often times I wouldn't. If I did, it was typically a brief praise for taking the time out to promote and moderate such a group and other times it was people telling me to "suck a fat dick" or "I hate the Church and everything "it" stand for". My favorite actually was the, "How can you be Gay and Catholics...that's pathetic". But on Monday July 14, 2008 I got quite a different response. It read something along the lines of

"Thank you for taking the time to invite me to your group. Unfortunately I don't think it would be right for me to join but I think it's awesome that you have such a group and if you ever need my support, holla at me".

That's not exactly what it said, but somewhere along the lines. Typically I wouldn't reply back to a message along that lines, but that day I did. I replied back saying something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for your recognition, it helps to know that my time doesn't go unnoticed. Sorry to hear the group isn't for you and I hope I didn't cause you any insult by my mass email. If you ever want to chat, or have any questions I can answer, please don't hesitate to contact me. My name is Eddie...what's yours?"

At this time, I had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship and by all means WAS NOT LOOKING. Truth be told, at this point I still hadn't opened up this guy's profile to read his details or look at his photo album...little did I know I was talking to a beautiful, funny, creative, and Mariah Carey and Good Charlotte loving, 26 year old named Paul who lived in Virginia Beach, VA.

Several more emails were sent over the next 24 hours. Paul was just getting ready to start a new job. I was just starting of a Catholic charismatic prayer group, it was a busy summer, I was living with my ex....but somehow something was starting to develop as the emails transitioned to phone calls....long....all night phone calls.

Stay tuned for more posts that lead up to August 5, 2008....the beginning of our relationship!

AMERICAN IDOL IS A SHAMEFUL JOKE!

All the Twitter discussions about this American Idol bullshit with AT&T helping the winner win just tickle me! They say that AT&T helped sway a win! How is it not swaying a win when you let viewers vote as many times as they want? Would not our Presidential election be "swayed" if we let citizens vote as many times as they want?

If you're just coming to the blatant realization that American Idol is a crock of shit...I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that there is no phone number available to call and request a refund on the last 8 years of your life.


American Idol is nothing but an expensive, long, drawn out karaoke show. Just because you can hit high notes and sing a song that was made a hit by other artists, doesn't make you an artist let a long a musician.

And if any of you were wondering why the "FLAMER / SCREAMER" didn't win....here is my thoughts. Adam Lambert in many ways is more flamboyant than the late Liberace! American Idol is a pop culture reality television show which caters primarily to pre-pubescent girls, who of course fantasize about having their virginity snapped by one of these singers. Well, pre-pubescent girls quickly realize that they stand more of a chance being shagged by the dude who won, and not sissy, VERY GAY, Adam Lambert. So you see...the show really isn't about musical talent after all.

Let's have a show where real talent, all ages, all looks compete using their "OWN" musical, writing and composition skills. Then let's get some real producers as well as a non junkie who hasn't released a hit since I was in the 5th grade to actually judge...then let's put it on a Network which ISN'T FAMOUSLY KNOWN for bogus, deceitful and manipulative wastes of air time!

NO OFFENSE BUT YOU DESERVED TO BE KILLED!

Here is a hillarious paradoy from Miss California!  DUMB BITCH!

H1N1 INSIDE SCOOP - JUST IN!

A high ranking aquantaince of mine from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) just relayed to me in an annonymous tip that H1N1 is REALLY an STD that R2D2 contracted from C3PO because he was sleeping around with other droids! WOW! So the whole "SWINE FLU" name is a cover up! It's really "ANDROID FLU"! So have you had unprotectd android sex lately? If so, GET TESTED NOW!

TAKING REQUESTS!

So as you know, I'm leaving Southern California and moving to Virginia on Friday! I've totally procrastinated on a project I was hoping to have done by now! I wanted to make and awesome mix CD loaded with great songs which carry a GOODBYE/FAREWELL theme that I can give to all of my friends! I'm totally dead stumped on some track ideas and NEED YOUR HELP!

Do you know of some great songs with the appropriate them that I can add to this mix? I'm interested and open to all genres and time period! Please comment this post with as many recommendations that you have! PLEASE be sure to provide both the ARTIST AND SONG TITLE!

THANKS A MILLION! :o)

BREAKING NEWS!

CALIFORNIA State Supreme Court will hear arguments on March 5, 2009 in regards to overturning Proposition 8 which won the vote last November by 52%.

This actually stands a good chance of being overturned! Great lawyers have been in place for months preparing for this. A conclusion by the Supreme Court will most likely be give within 90 days! It's time to get your voice going again if you got quiet over the past couple of months.

Let's pray that justice is given and the freedom of equality is returned to the people of California!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION!

THE PROBLEM WITH POLITICAL IDEOLOGY SURVEYS...

So I went to this site with some GREAT questions, but only 12 of them!!! I mean come on, these were questions regarding mainstream ethics in line with society and government! In a 2 minute survey you're going to predict my political ideology? So here's my results.

What political ideology do you have? Your Result: Democratic Socialist   You are the standard European socialist who believes that the government should spend large amounts of money on social welfare programs. You also believe that these social welfare programs are mandated by the people who vote in your ideal democratic government
Fascist
Anarchist
Libertarian
Communist
Authoritarian Capitalist
WOW!!! DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST? I love the part that states, "You are the standard European socialist who believes that the government should spend large amounts of money on social welfare programs." I thought I viewed welfare a little differently, but I'm glad this dandy little fucking survey was available to REALLY tell me how I feel! So always remember...these surveys are meant to be a JOKE. It's not something you should post on your social site home pages like a drawing on a refrigerator of some purple and green elephant some kid drew in kindergarten!

"PRAYERS FOR BOBBY"

WOW! Well I'm certainly not a Lifetime Network viewer but when I found out they made a Lifetime Original Movie, PRAYERS FOR BOBBY based on Leroy Aarons book...I knew I had to record and watch it.


This film is about a Walnut Creek, CA family in the last 70's/early 80's, particularly the mother Mary Griffith (Sigourney Weaver) and her gay son, Bobby Griffith (Ryan Kelley). The story it's self is unfortunately one we've heard over and over again...a young queer teen struggling to accept their homosexuality and finally mustering all inner strength to "come out" to their family, only to find no acceptance or support from the family or in this circumstance the Bible thumping mother who believes all homosexuality to be an abomination and curable through faith and prayer. Ultimately the hurt, rejection and denial lead to a sad and horrifying tragedy, but that’s not where the film ends.

The film then focuses on the mother and her long and exhausting struggle to understand and accept that her late son’s sexuality was incurable for the fact that’s how God made him. There was nothing to cure. Ultimately it’s a beautiful story of inner forgiveness and redemption.

Both the film and the book it was based on are a true story. Mary Griffith went on to be a mainstream ally for the LGBT movement, especially with PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays). For me, the most moving part of this story was that Mary Griffith was no doubt a devout and faithful Christian and a good mother. She honestly felt she was looking out for her son and protecting his salvation. Sadly she believed in a way that was wrong but the only way she knew to be true as that what has always been proclaimed and preached to her. The amazing part of the story is that she kept her same faith throughout her journey…or better yet put, she deepened it. Meaning: she eventually recognized that the God she loves and worships is not a God of hate, bigotry and wrath, yet a God of love, compassion and mercy. This is why I’ve always believed that it’s sometimes easier to educate and soften the heart of a homophobic believer in faith than it is a homophobic non believer of faith, essentially in the theory that all you need to do is help open their eyes to see that the same Christ we believe and follow was God’s son of compassion, love, inclusion and peace not judgment, hate, out casting and vindictiveness.

I was saddened yet not surprised to learn that FOCUS ON THE FAMILY urged their supporters not to view this film and also said this film “cast Christians in an ugly role”. I honestly feel this film softened some of the realistic “ugliness” that so many bigot Christians live in and display so openly. So if FOF sees those roles as “ugly”…GOOD! That means there is hope for them because acceptance is always the first step!

In closing, this film is a “MUST SEE” for all, especially for families who have just learned or suspect a loved one is gay or lesbian. I encourage television networks and the motion picture industry to produce more films which tell the fraction of the LGBT story and history, such as this film, the recent “MILK”, “BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN”, etc.

ESPAÑOL 101

Buenos días in spanish means Good Morning in english. BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK - THAT'S NOT THE SPANISH WE REALLY CARE ABOUT LEARNING WHEN WE LOOK AT THIS PHOTO, IS IT? LOL!

Some more useful phrases would be...

1) ¡Lo quiero en mi cama! = I want him in my bed!

2) ¿Era tan bueno para usted mientras que estaba para mí? = Was it as good for you as it was for me?

3) ¿Puedo cocinarle desayuno y servirlelo en cama? = Can I cook you breakfast and serve it to you in bed?

WHEN YOUR DAY HAS BEEN SHIT...

Always remember THE LATE WAYLAND FLOWERS AND MADAME always offer the best therapy!

HOW GAY CAN WE GET?

Obviously VERY GAY! Introducing THE MEN PEN, a facial concealer product for men! When Prada sunglasses, an Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and frosted hair highlights don't say it enough…THERE’S ALWAYS MAKEUP!

I absolutely love their decietful advertising example of men who would use makeup…”This is the same concealer product that male actors, models, and businessmen use in their everyday life.” WOW! BUSINESSMEN? REALLY? Imagine that! Next time you see an investment banker, CEO, store manager, car salesman...ask them, "Do you use The Men Pen Girl?"

They’re working on a sweat free formula for NFL players to conceal their blemishes…it should be out next season!

ASK & YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

FINALLY!  I'm not going to be using the lame blog area of my MySpace account.  I've set up home here at Blogger and so far I think it's pretty damn cool!

So if any of you know me...you know I can pretty much talk about anything I want to, and at great lengths too.  So it's just as easy to do this in a blog.  But I'm actually gonna put myself and what I want aside on this one and ask you, my followers, what are some topics you would like me to blog about?

Think about it and let me know.  But if you really wanna have fun with this, get creative!  You know I will do it.

So more than likely you've accomplished your first task which was subscribing/following (which the fuck is it?) my blog.  Second you need to help me think of some great topics/ideas.  Third and last, you need to run and tell all of your little friends about my new blog, and insist that it's the thing to do, Dude!

WellMi Amigos!   I'm off to bed!  I need my beauty sleep and if you can't tell, I'm about 1,642 hours in the hole with that!  ;)

Love, Hugs & Blessings!
Eddie :)