THE BEGINNING OF A LIFETIME

....Continued from the July 21 post, "ONE RINGY DINGY...TWO RINGY DINGY"

This time last year we have literally spent every night talking to each other on the phone. Every time I would talk to Paul I found myself even more captivated by his interests, beliefs, passion, creativity and most especially his humor. It's no joke that early off I had developed a "crush" but now, mysteriously, I've been developing other feelings. "Why do I feel this way, how do I make it stop" are all questions I continuously asked myself.

I've always has three cardinal rules. These are rules that not only I followed, but rules I felt the need to point out to friends and/or family should they break them.

1) No long distance dating/relationships.

2) No relationships for at least 18 months after coming out of a long term relationship.

3) No falling for someone of the Internet.

Of course, I never thought these rules were unreasonable. In fact I never saw them as "rules" as much as I saw them as instincts. But night after night, I really found myself starting to fall for this Paul. The more I tried to fight it, the deeper my feelings got. I remember lying in my bed, during the middle of the night (I imagine he was doing the same thing) telling each other how awesome it would be to just cuddle up and talk face to face, unfortunately 3,000 miles separated us. This time last year his apartment's air conditioning unit was on the fritz, he was miserable because of the heat and would always tell me that I wouldn't want to be there for that. "Nonsense" I'd reply, "I'd sweat my ass of like a pig if it meant I could just see you, touch you...kiss you".

In so many ways Paul seemed like a fantasy, a very beautiful, magical and unfair fantasy. Of course I talked about him to all of my friends. Many of them thought I was nuts for even pursuing such a thing, while many others encouraged me to believe in the unbelievable, to gain drive from my feeling, to tell him how I feel! "TELL HIM HOW I FEEL?" Well that just sounded like the most asinine advice ever. Tell this amazing, charming, beautiful, interesting stud muffin how I fell when he probably doesn't even remotely feel that way about me....or does he? I thought about it for a few days.

The evening of August 4, 2008 Paul and I started out one of our fabulous all night conversations...which carried over into the VERY EARLY morning of August 5, 2009. All of a sudden in the middle in something we will just say, "doesn't matter", Paul told me how he would give anything just to kiss me right now. WHOA IS ME! Really? I had to tell him. I had to tell him that as insane as it sounds, I'm falling in love with him. That he has ignited my heart and soul like I never knew possible, that every thought is him, that I smile and sometimes cry just thinking about him, that he brings out creativity and sound in my guitar music, that I get the chills all over my body when I take a deep breath in and think of him...I had to tell all of this to this marvelous stranger. But if course it's not that easy. I don't have the balls to just come out and say "I LOVE YOU" in this most perfect moment on the telephone. So instead I resorted to my middle school experiences of hinting about it, telling him I have something to tell him but I'm scared too. Whoa is me, he caught my bluff and told me the same thing..."I have something to tell you but I'm scared, I can't say it". This is where the rest of the conversation became a haze. But somewhere in that magical moment 1 year ago today, we told each other "I LOVE YOU".

One year ago today, I broke my cardinal rules which were rules "society" actually says one should live by. One year ago I went out on a limb and listened to my heart...and nothing else. One year ago today, my dream came true. That trust in love has led to the proof that Paul and I share a deep, mind-blowing love that knows no limits, no boundaries, no conditions. It wasn't easy making this work. Remember, we we're 3,000 miles away...but we didn't let that stop us. Those we're 3,000 miles in a country we both live in. We have telephones, Internet, cards to mail, letters to right....then airplanes to fly on. And we used everyone of those resources. I finally got out to Paul in October....which I will write about more in October. I can't spill all story in one blog, I've got to keep you coming back for more so you can see what happened, how we're now living together, with no mileage separation ever again.

Paul, thank you for the most amazing year in this boy's 30 years of life. Everyday you still find those ways to take my breath away and leave me in awe. You have become the most important person and center of my life. I can't imagine a day without you beside me. You strengthen my Faith, Hope and Love in God who can only create such beauty, this love we share. One year down....with a lifetime to go! I love you Baby, from the bottom of my heart!

ONE RINGY DINGY...TWO RINGY DINGY

….continued from the last post, “IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM”

3-4 days after that first MySpace message, I asked Paul in one of our AIM chats if it was ok to call him, he said indeed it was. He gave me his number and told me to ask for Humphrey…because that was his real name. “Humphrey?”, I though. In a way I felt awful for the 26 year old with such a hideous name. But I immediately stopped what I was doing and grabbed my phone. After the second ring I was greeted by a hello so I reply, “Humphrey?”…he starts laughing. I then find out he has his first experience of pulling one over on this blonde…which so many people do, because sometimes I just don’t catch on to little jokes like that so quickly.

Emails, AIM chats and MySpace messages between Paul and I have almost entirely died down…because we spend so much time on the phone. We had both taken a liking to conversing with each other in what most people would consider VERY LONG PHONE CALLS. I remember I would start out in the early evening on my cell phone, then when that battery was drained I would call him (or he would call me back) on the LAN line…without actually disconnecting. During this time, my cell phone was charging because inevitably I would drain the LAN line and need to re-transition back over to my cell phone. I remember one of our conversations being slightly over 8 hours….and not to mention there was a considerable 3 hour time difference in between us, so we ended a call when the sun was coming up in California, which meant the sun had been out for quite a while in Virginia!

Phone conversations with Paul were like nothing else I can explain. Day by day we were finding out so much about each other. We we’re also finding out so much that we both have in common, such as: we’re both avid Roseanne show fans, we both have an agreeable dislike for drag queens, we both LOVE chocolate milk, we both love music, and we both…most definitely have a witty and at times, twisted sense of humor.

Every conversation on the phone would end with a “I so don’t want to get off the phone with you” or the “it doesn’t feel like we’ve been on the phone for 6 hours”. I believe it was the 3rd phone conversation where Paul actually fell asleep on me! Was I insulted? Of course not…it was adorable, but I made him think I was the next day in an email.

After each phone call, I always looked forward to the next one more and more. I was finding myself during the middle of the day laughing at something Paul had said, and then of course I would quickly look around me so I didn’t look like a lone idiot, laughing out loud at nothing. I would also think of a lot of things to as Paul later that night. I would see things, eat things, drink things, listen to things…and always wonder, “Would Paul like this?”

Stay tuned for more posts that lead up to August 5, 2008....the beginning of our relationship!

IT"S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!

1 year ago today, I was sitting at home in Victorville, CA flustered, depressed and unknowing. I ran a group on the MySpace network for Gay and Lesbian Roman Catholics. It was a group giving an open space and opportunity for people gay catholics, such as myself to network, rant, rave, express their feelings (often feelings of disgust towards our Church)within our circle. Whenever time would allow, I would sit down and do a MySpace user search. The search criteria would be made open to gender, age, location but I would specify "gay" for sexual orientation and "Catholic" for religious preference. I also would select, "most recent online users" so that I would encounter new individuals each time I conducted a search. Every time I did so, thousands upon thousands of MySpace users would pop up. I wouldn't really pay much attention to their profile details or even their profile photo. I would simply open their profile in a new window, and paste a generic message that I had used for months, then send it off. The message introduced myself...telling people a little bit about myself, my goal and quick summary of the group. I extended an open invitation to the everyone. Now that I think about it, I probably sent that message to certain people multiple times!

Not everyone joined the group, understandably. Sometimes I would receive a message back in response, often times I wouldn't. If I did, it was typically a brief praise for taking the time out to promote and moderate such a group and other times it was people telling me to "suck a fat dick" or "I hate the Church and everything "it" stand for". My favorite actually was the, "How can you be Gay and Catholics...that's pathetic". But on Monday July 14, 2008 I got quite a different response. It read something along the lines of

"Thank you for taking the time to invite me to your group. Unfortunately I don't think it would be right for me to join but I think it's awesome that you have such a group and if you ever need my support, holla at me".

That's not exactly what it said, but somewhere along the lines. Typically I wouldn't reply back to a message along that lines, but that day I did. I replied back saying something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for your recognition, it helps to know that my time doesn't go unnoticed. Sorry to hear the group isn't for you and I hope I didn't cause you any insult by my mass email. If you ever want to chat, or have any questions I can answer, please don't hesitate to contact me. My name is Eddie...what's yours?"

At this time, I had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship and by all means WAS NOT LOOKING. Truth be told, at this point I still hadn't opened up this guy's profile to read his details or look at his photo album...little did I know I was talking to a beautiful, funny, creative, and Mariah Carey and Good Charlotte loving, 26 year old named Paul who lived in Virginia Beach, VA.

Several more emails were sent over the next 24 hours. Paul was just getting ready to start a new job. I was just starting of a Catholic charismatic prayer group, it was a busy summer, I was living with my ex....but somehow something was starting to develop as the emails transitioned to phone calls....long....all night phone calls.

Stay tuned for more posts that lead up to August 5, 2008....the beginning of our relationship!