THE BEGINNING OF A LIFETIME

....Continued from the July 21 post, "ONE RINGY DINGY...TWO RINGY DINGY"

This time last year we have literally spent every night talking to each other on the phone. Every time I would talk to Paul I found myself even more captivated by his interests, beliefs, passion, creativity and most especially his humor. It's no joke that early off I had developed a "crush" but now, mysteriously, I've been developing other feelings. "Why do I feel this way, how do I make it stop" are all questions I continuously asked myself.

I've always has three cardinal rules. These are rules that not only I followed, but rules I felt the need to point out to friends and/or family should they break them.

1) No long distance dating/relationships.

2) No relationships for at least 18 months after coming out of a long term relationship.

3) No falling for someone of the Internet.

Of course, I never thought these rules were unreasonable. In fact I never saw them as "rules" as much as I saw them as instincts. But night after night, I really found myself starting to fall for this Paul. The more I tried to fight it, the deeper my feelings got. I remember lying in my bed, during the middle of the night (I imagine he was doing the same thing) telling each other how awesome it would be to just cuddle up and talk face to face, unfortunately 3,000 miles separated us. This time last year his apartment's air conditioning unit was on the fritz, he was miserable because of the heat and would always tell me that I wouldn't want to be there for that. "Nonsense" I'd reply, "I'd sweat my ass of like a pig if it meant I could just see you, touch you...kiss you".

In so many ways Paul seemed like a fantasy, a very beautiful, magical and unfair fantasy. Of course I talked about him to all of my friends. Many of them thought I was nuts for even pursuing such a thing, while many others encouraged me to believe in the unbelievable, to gain drive from my feeling, to tell him how I feel! "TELL HIM HOW I FEEL?" Well that just sounded like the most asinine advice ever. Tell this amazing, charming, beautiful, interesting stud muffin how I fell when he probably doesn't even remotely feel that way about me....or does he? I thought about it for a few days.

The evening of August 4, 2008 Paul and I started out one of our fabulous all night conversations...which carried over into the VERY EARLY morning of August 5, 2009. All of a sudden in the middle in something we will just say, "doesn't matter", Paul told me how he would give anything just to kiss me right now. WHOA IS ME! Really? I had to tell him. I had to tell him that as insane as it sounds, I'm falling in love with him. That he has ignited my heart and soul like I never knew possible, that every thought is him, that I smile and sometimes cry just thinking about him, that he brings out creativity and sound in my guitar music, that I get the chills all over my body when I take a deep breath in and think of him...I had to tell all of this to this marvelous stranger. But if course it's not that easy. I don't have the balls to just come out and say "I LOVE YOU" in this most perfect moment on the telephone. So instead I resorted to my middle school experiences of hinting about it, telling him I have something to tell him but I'm scared too. Whoa is me, he caught my bluff and told me the same thing..."I have something to tell you but I'm scared, I can't say it". This is where the rest of the conversation became a haze. But somewhere in that magical moment 1 year ago today, we told each other "I LOVE YOU".

One year ago today, I broke my cardinal rules which were rules "society" actually says one should live by. One year ago I went out on a limb and listened to my heart...and nothing else. One year ago today, my dream came true. That trust in love has led to the proof that Paul and I share a deep, mind-blowing love that knows no limits, no boundaries, no conditions. It wasn't easy making this work. Remember, we we're 3,000 miles away...but we didn't let that stop us. Those we're 3,000 miles in a country we both live in. We have telephones, Internet, cards to mail, letters to right....then airplanes to fly on. And we used everyone of those resources. I finally got out to Paul in October....which I will write about more in October. I can't spill all story in one blog, I've got to keep you coming back for more so you can see what happened, how we're now living together, with no mileage separation ever again.

Paul, thank you for the most amazing year in this boy's 30 years of life. Everyday you still find those ways to take my breath away and leave me in awe. You have become the most important person and center of my life. I can't imagine a day without you beside me. You strengthen my Faith, Hope and Love in God who can only create such beauty, this love we share. One year down....with a lifetime to go! I love you Baby, from the bottom of my heart!